Lying in bed, I struggled to sort out what had happened. I touched the spot where Eli’s kiss had landed. The whole thing had been so natural, so sweet and tender. My emotions were in tatters and I couldn’t bring them together.
I’ve been working through my attraction to Jamie since I’d walked into the computer store and he’d helped me. Jamie is with Michael. I tell myself this over and over. So why do I get hard every time I see Jamie? One smile from him and my stomach fills with butterflies. Jamie’s so handsome. So exotic. Every time I’m around him, my heart races and my tongue tangles up like one of those damn fly fishing knots my dad keeps trying to teach me. Eli is cute, a little awkward, but a nice guy. And a great friend. I don’t usually go for smaller guys, but he is so sweet. Damn it, this shouldn’t be so hard. I want to be with Jamie, and Eli needs someone who fits him.
The hallway door banged open and voices came from the living room. I realized it was Michael and Jamie. With a little guilt, I crept to the door to indulge myself in a round of voyeurism. I pressed my ear against the door and listened.
“Come on, suck it. You know you want it, bitch.”
“Stop it, Michael. You’ll wake someone up. You’re drunk.”
“Come on, suck me. I just want to get off so I can sleep.”
The sound of scuffling filtered into my ears and was punctuated by Michael’s groan.
“That’s a good girl. You want my hard cock don’t you? Chew on it. Bite through those jeans.”
A gasp sounded, and a coarse chuckle echoed through the door. There was more noise of a struggle and then the sound of a zipper. More noises drifted through the door that I tried to categorize. Loud gagging sounded from outside my door.
He’s forcing Jamie! I grabbed the door, ready to try and help Jamie.
“Come on, Michael. You know I love your dick, and a little rough is good. Not quite so hard though, babe.”
My stomach roiled at the words, not sure what to think. I closed my door with a faint click. I should have gone to bed and covered my head so I couldn’t hear more. But that didn’t happen. The sounds coming through the door left me clinging to its cold flat surface.
Michael moaned again, and a wet sound filtered to my ears. The rhythmic thrusting built, and I imagined Jamie on his knees with Michael thrusting into his mouth.
“That’s nice, baby. Oh, fuck. I’m so close.”
The sounds shimmered around me, filling me. With what, I couldn’t say. I’m eighteen; I can’t control the primal side of myself most of the time. I was hard as a rock. A lot less than the sounds of someone getting head a few feet away could leave me in that condition. Guilt flooded me at how my body betrayed me. The guy I had fallen for had a dick in his face, and I popped a damn boner. The swirl of guilt, anguish and stimulation thickened when I realized Michael had sped up.
Then, the nightmare reached its end.
“Ah, fuck. Yeah, swallow my cum,” screamed Michael.
The images playing through my mind were over whelming. This wasn’t sexy. It wasn’t hot. My heart was breaking at the betrayal of my unspoken love.
I stumbled away from the door and made my way back to bed. I fell across the mattress and buried my face in the pillow, shoving it tight over my ears. The room narrowed to the soft muffled sound of my heart pounding, and my sobs. Those few minutes were burned into my mind forever. Now, the man I lusted after was tarnished forever.
The tears began, and I couldn’t have told you the exact reason. Maybe it was the confirmation I’d lost Jamie, the man I’d actually never had; or the sound of sex that I still wasn’t certain I’d call consensual and my decision to do nothing; or was it simply the destruction of my first crush.
I curled into a ball and stared into the stygian darkness filling my room, as the tears rolled down my face onto my pillow, each a fragment of my shattered heart.
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